Meet Your Coach

No two coaching sessions, even with the same coach and client, will ever be the same. There are three main elements that are consistent to just about all sessions:

1) Thought-provoking questions

2) Lots of pauses, to give the client space to process what’s been said

3) Confusion

That last point may sound odd, but being asked to question things that you’ve never thought to question before is, well…confusing. Coaching is like shaking a snow globe: you give it a good shake, there’s a flurry of chaotic motion for a little while, and then everything settles in an arrangement that’s never the same as before you shook things up.

The brain is incredibly efficient. Thanks to various mental shortcuts, we can take in and process unbelievable volumes of information and put it to good use. Sometimes that efficiency works against us, though. We can become blind to the information we need most or get stuck in mental ruts that we can't escape. My primary job as a coach is to help you get out of those mental ruts by encouraging you to look at your situation from different perspectives.

Insight alone isn’t always enough, though. I’ll help you turn your insights into action by collaborating with you to set goals, make a plan to reach those goals, and take the necessary steps in the direction you want to go. I’ll also provide ongoing support and feedback to keep you moving forward as you face the challenges that often come with change.

Distinctions between these two disciplines are not always clear, especially as therapists increasingly use coaching techniques in their practice and coaches increasingly borrow techniques from therapeutic modalities like CBT and ACT.

Here are a few key differences to keep in mind:

Resistance: if someone is resistant to change, a therapist may be able to help them overcome that resistance and heal. In coaching, however, a client must want and be ready for change. It’s okay if you don’t know how to change, or you’re scared to change, or you’re not sure what change would look like. All of that is normal. But you must be ready and willing to find a path forward.

Healing: therapy, by and large, is about healing. Coaching can lead to healing, much the same way anything that’s good for you can be healing, but the focus of coaching is on moving forward and figuring out the concrete steps needed to move forward.

Illness/pathology: If you’ve been diagnosed with a serious mental illness like bipolar disorder, you’ll need to work with a therapist, not a coach. That being said, if your symptoms are well controlled and you’ve been in therapy for a while and want to add coaching on top of therapy, that can be a great combination for some people.

If your primary motivation for seeking out help is healing from painful past experiences, therapy is likely a better fit. If you want to take concrete action towards your goals – even if you’re not sure exactly what those steps or even those goals are right now – then coaching is likely a good fit.

Many people fall into a grey area where they could benefit equally from either option. If you’re still unsure if coaching is a good fit, please reach out to me at connect@bluestarcoaching.ca. It’s not in my best interest to work with someone who needs to be in therapy, so you can trust that I will give a measured, honest response.

I don’t think you’re going to like my answer, but…it depends.

What results are you looking for? How many steps would you need to take in order to get those results? How big are the obstacles standing in your way? How long have you been struggling with the current problem, and what have you already tried?

All of these will affect how long it takes to get the results you’re after. What I can tell you, though, is that progress is continuous (though not linear) the entire time you’re in coaching. So while you may not see results for a while, you will see progress very quickly.

The only number I can confidently give you is 3. It takes most people about 3 sessions to get a feel for what coaching is, whether I’m a good fit for them, and get a sense for how this could work. Unless you’ve been in coaching before – or maybe had a therapist who used coaching techniques – you’ll probably find the process a bit strange for those first few sessions.

Yes! I don’t tailor sessions to a diagnosis, I tailor them to the individual.

I understand that professional diagnosis is out of reach for some, and that self-diagnosis, while not ideal, can still give people helpful direction in their lives. The diagnosis – official or suspected – simply tells me which strategies are more likely to be helpful, and which common pitfalls and roadblocks to be on the lookout for. It’s up to the individual client to tell me what’s actually helpful, diagnosis or not.

Here are some factors that may make the choice easy for you:

1) Group coaching requires you to join a waitlist, and I can’t say how long the wait will be. If you don’t want to wait (I don’t blame you), then individual coaching is the better choice.

2) I currently offer 30-minute 1-on-1 check-ins weekly for all group coaching clients, so if you join group, you essentially get both anyway.

If you’re still on the fence, group coaching is better for:

-Improving social skills

-Increasing empathy

-Getting many different perspectives

-Reducing feelings of isolation and shame

Individual coaching is better for:

-Deep work on specific issues

-Achieving tangible goals

-Addressing challenges with procrastination and motivation

-People who are 30+ (I only offer group coaching for those in their twenties).

-Those with limited availability (group sessions are pre-scheduled, and availability for individual check-ins is limited to a few pre-determined timeslots).

I’m happy to help you decide in your free consultation. I also offer 3-session packages, which I can tailor to helping you feel “group ready”. Best of both worlds!

Any sessions that you pay for but don’t use can be applied to future coaching sessions, either for yourself or transferred to someone else.